STARTS WITH A SH... ENDS WITH A UT THE F*UCK UP
I shouldn't really care about this - especially now. This is an old post that I started a couple years ago.  I have quite a few that I started and either didn't have the words or didn't want to say anything at the time.  Since this is my year to speak, I'm sending a few select posts out to the universe and cleaning out my draft folder. ;-)

Anyway, long, long ago  - I think it was shortly after I had completed my radiation, I heard that someone made a remark that went a little something like this - "now that she's ok." You would think that wasn't a bad thing and I don't think there was any malice in it. It just struck me the wrong way.  First of all, this person knew very little about me and what she did know, was more than likely wrong…

My point is - how did/do you know I'm ok? And it's funny, at the time I really wasn't - nor am I now. I was having some complications - not that many were aware of  - but still. I do believe that quite a few people dismissed my situation. Maybe so they didn't have to deal with it or think about it or believe it was so.  I don't know.

I am the first to believe that everyone has their own thing going on… you may see it - you may not. Don't make judgement on something you don't know.

Words matter.

Think before you speak.

And...

How dare you say I'm ok.

I BELIEVE I CAN'T FLY

Oh, God - That's a horrible post title. God rest this bird's soul.

I woke up this morning… I brought The Bud down to go potty and walked into the middle of the yard like I always do... I saw something out of the corner of my eye and thought, since I knew it was windy last night, it was a bunch of leaves caught in the fence. With, sleepy eyes, I went to reach out and realized it wasn't leaves!

How the hell did this even happen???

12 pictures later I'm still baffled…

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

This is an open letter to all those that are trying to fix me up…

Stop.

Fondly,
Jeannine

There are several people that have been furiously trying to fix me up with someone and I just got another offer today…I know you all mean well and, honestly, the one with the custom built house sounds appealing - well, the tricked out kitchen does, at least!  Just stop, though. With the way I feel and my current living situation - there's no way.  Thanks for thinking of me - just hold that thought.

I GUESS IT COMES DOWN TO A SIMPLE CHOICE, REALLY.
GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING
The Dad will watch Shawshank Redemption every time it's on. It seems like it's been on a lot lately. It's one of his favorite movies.

BOO TO YOU
I started taking out the Halloween stuff. I don't have any room here. I used to put witches in one room and pumpkins in another. I just can't do it here. I think it's time to give some up. Cara is fostering a couple of my pumpkin people. I think she is going to end up keeping them for good. She has been collecting witches the past few years and I think some of these girls are going to go over and live with her too.

Maybe not the big one or the little one that matches her… or the green candy one or the one with the skirt… LOL -  well three of them are going to live with her - forever. I'm calling that progress.

I'm way more a pumpkin girl…

…and these are my peeps…

I took these guys out and put them right back in the bin - no room.

I love my halloween guys. There are only a couple pieces that I regret purchasing. This is one of them.

It reminded me of the haunted mansion and now I don't like it. I'm wondering if I might like them better if I paint their faces like sugar skulls… I may try that some time. I can't figure out why I dislike them so much. I put them back in the bin to worry about later.

You know, this is the guy that started it all… bought at Marshall's or TJMaxx in Bridgeville long, long ago and stayed out year round Over 2 at Dixon House because I loved him so much. Still one of my very favorites.

READY TO BLOW

STORAGE WARS (REVISITED)
One day before I die, I want to have all my stuff in one place. I joke about this some times but it's a pretty sad and awful feeling to not know where anything is. The chaos spins all around me. It's unsettling to say the least. Do you know what I mean? We never finished going through everything and I'm just discovering some more things that I never got. Are they in a box that was brought over to storage without me knowing?  Was it given away to someone? Very sad. To me. It may just be stuff but it's my stuff and it's meaningful and loved and wanted. And the next person that tells me to just get rid of it all can go to hell. I hate this so much.

IT ALL FADES AWAY IN THE END
Aunt Gloria was throwing a fit… I went up to try to calm her down.  She looked right at me and told me to go away and, scoldingly, said - "wait until my niece gets here…"

AND ALL AT ONCE, SUMMER COLLAPSED INTO FALL

I am a huge fan of Tyler Knott Gregson.

"To the sun that sleeps earlier and the moon that sits in the sky to watch her slip into slumber…"

"To the bravery of the leaves that leap without looking and fall without ever asking why…"

Come on.

If these aren't the most beautiful words written, I don't know what is.

DEAR, FACEBOOK...
Do you REALLY care about me and the memories I (rarely) share with you? What if I DON'T want to look back in time?  What if the random memory you select is a car crash or a natural disaster or some drunk hookup I regret or the last happy birthday between a dog and her daddy? This is a stupid feature.

DOUBLE, DOUBLE TOIL AND TROUBLE; FIRE BURN, AND CAULDRON BUBBLE
It wasn't the best of nights (with the rain) but it was so much fun… we went to Volant for their annual Witches' Night Out party. All the store fronts were decorated…
The witches flew in from all over…

… to party in front of the old mill.

We stopped for Burgh'ers…

… and what's a road trip without a late night visit to the rest stop for salted caramel mochas and brochures.

DON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR
I had to go to pick up some meds at the vet's office today. All I can say is my poor former neighbors. Geez.

LIFE WILL GIVE YOU MORE OF WHAT YOU GIVE TO IT
I had my review at work… it's almost a year since I took on the part time position - two years since I started. I got all good marks, of course. My boss had one issue that she thought would be a problem. She said that everyone loves me.  She said that I always make sure that everyone is happy. I'll stay late… I'll go buy things for someone if they need it… I'll sit and talk until someone is comfortable, etc… I know that's not a bad thing but I do understand what she means from a manager's standpoint. Sometimes you can't make everyone happy. I get that. You can always try, though. ;-)

DOG'S BEST DAY
I forgot to post the story about Bretagne the other day. She's the last known living search and rescue dog from 9/11.   Video here of this pup of honor's fabulous 16th birthday celebration in NYC.

OOPS - I DID IT AGAIN
I went to pick up a prescription this afternoon and came back with 31 cookbooks!

I saw a sign for another yard sale yesterday but needed to get back to the house so I skipped it. The car just drove right to it today. There were tons of fabulous kitschy 1970s Christmas decorations in the garage. I picked up a few things and a glass dish for Chrissy (that's how I justified buying it and now I think I want to keep it) and then I walked into the game room (which I didn't even realize had anything for sale in it) and I saw the most cookbooks I ever saw in my life. Literally, every space (neatly and well organized) was full of cookbooks. I, of course, went straight for the 40s-50s-60s-70s ones so I grabbed as many as I could carry. 10 cents a piece.

I BREAK FOR YARD SALES
I went to go get bagel sandwiches and got a little off course.  I came home with a few other things…

The religious figure and the jeep were on a shelf in the garage (not cleaned) so she didn't know what to price them b/c they were dirty. For the record, there is no such thing as dirty with me. She asked if $1 each would be too much.  Got two new belts for The Dad $2.  Tin game base $3. Gettysburg souvenir pics $2 - my favorite place!  12 old notepads for 50 cents and another old tape dispenser to add to my collection. $1. I found this fab book on The National Road on the way out. $1.

PERMISSION TO FLY
I have done all of Kelly Rae Roberts classes and highly recommend them.

I'm a FLYER from way back when...

…and a MANTRA SISTER…

…and a JOY SISTER…

After finishing my real, big girl, activity director course  - with flying colors, I might add  - turns out my big girl pants are actually smarty pants... I got my fancy little folder and certificate and a letter saying I got a 102% in the class.

Anyway, I rewarded myself with KRRs newest class which starts in October…

Check out her post here to see a painting from start to finish and for more info on the course.

WHO'S YOUR DADDY?
So, Chrissy and I are downstairs cleaning the cellar.  We are laughing hysterically, as always, about stupid shit.  She had just asked me how long I had this random, unopened cleaning product and I said I didn't know but Dave was supposed to clean the siding with it and we never got around to it. She was laughing saying I had it since 1908 and told me to throw it out.

All of a sudden - ring ring ring - well, actually, it was some weird ring tone she didn't know.

The call never came through and went right to voice mail so it was the notification for a message. She plays it on speakerphone and it's DCD asking about family night dinner.

Speak of the devil.

The dog went crazy. I hardly think she knew the voice. I guess she just thought some one else was in the room. She was looking around and then started scratching at her bag where she put her phone. She wouldn't get away from it.

Why did you put my daddy in your purse?

She kept scratching and scratching at her purse so I had no other choice but to go in to my best rendition of Papa, can you hear me?

Even through all the laugh breaks we managed to make some (SOME) progress down there. The Dad was impressed. We knew he wouldn't yell if we said it was her idea to move things around. He liked everything and said she was his champion.

TACO TUESDAY
I make dinner almost every night. I go to the store almost every day after work. (PS - I'm getting sick of that.)  I called on my way to the store and The Dad said to just make something quick - like tacos. I'm really not a fan of Mexican food. Poor Cara always wants to go for Mexican and we usually shoot her down. Though she and Chrissy have been known to go get chimini-changas without me on more than one occasion.  The Dad loves tacos. I think they are a pain in the ass. I' took one for the team and made them… I make this chicken/pineapple salsa/ onion and cream cheese mixture that I can take for soft tacos and only if I know it's my organic ground meat for the hard tacos… I just don't get why everyone thinks tacos are so easy and quick. What am I doing wrong?

SCHOOL DAYS
Did you see the adorable video of Adrianna who wore a  GoPro camera to her first day of kindergarten? I don't know what's cuter - the bubbles, the guy (I'm assuming he's the principal) in the bow tie giving high fives, her looking back as she walks in the door,  putting her backpack in the cubbie - it's all too much.

You know my high school friend, Jay, posted a lovely little message on Facebook saying how hard it must be for those that don't have children to see all the back to school pictures, etc… That has always been true for me.

Could you imagine how much I would be documenting right about now?!? ;-)

All I think about are school lunches and packing book bags and writing little secret notes…

This is never going to get easier for me. Never.

TO ALL MY NEIGHBORS WHO GOT MUCH FLAVOR
I would have loved to have been in that marketing meeting for the Dish Network commercial…

CAT AND MICE
I went back to Chrissy's yesterday after our adventure to help her organize a few (hundred) bins.  Hey, Percy.

I ran downstairs for something and discovered these guys in the wash tub. They were actually pretty cute. I wanted to get them little Christmas vests and top hats and take pictures but Chrissy wouldn't let me.

I'm sure she had something in the bins I could have used for props.

Those bins in the above picture are a small (very small) part of what we sorted. I was doing some research as we went through everything. We found some things that need to be looked into further.

We unearthed so much stuff. She has every toy the kids ever had. They aren't really interested in keeping anything but she is. I keep trying to get her to make shadowboxes of some of the favorites and get rid of the others (says the girl that wants to build a room for her Holiday Inn and McDonald's houses) Anyway, she, like me, will just accumulate as much stuff as possible. I kept finding all these cute things. Like this...

And this…

I asked her where she found such cute cupcake stuff and you know what her response was???

YOU BOUGHT THEM FOR ME.

I totally didn't remember until she said it. I'm not sure if it's early stage dementia that made me forget or the fact that we are just surrounded by so much that it becomes oblivious.

We were exhausted by the end of the night so I took a break and cleaned out my purse. Just like with everything in my life there was an excess there, too.   I found 14 pens in my purse. 14!

IT'S FRIDAY- I'M IN LOVE
I'm having a big dilemma here.  The Dad isn't doing too well walking and I have visions of his legs being amputated so I'm trying to figure out what I should do… put money into this house to make it function better in the kitchen and bathroom or just find a ranch somewhere… the issue is how will I be able to do this alone if and when something happens to him and where should I go. It's all too much to handle. All I do is push it aside but I really have to make some decisions - soon.

Today, though, we went to an estate sale in the morning. Big surprise, I know.

I can't even remember where it was - I think Greensburg -  but it was a ranch home (way out of my price range) so I considered it research. It had some fabulous features - including this in the cellar.

I would have bought the house just for the cellar which would have made perfect studio/storage space. Love.

Later we sat at school waiting for the courier to deliver Katherine's  books that didn't come in on time last week.  We sat there waiting and waiting while the driver was stuck in traffic, all while the little Kitty Kat is in philadelphia. I love micromanaging my pretend daughter's life! I did get to do this while we waited.

Chrissy looked up houses on her phone - she never could have done that on her old dumb phone. You go girl with your iPhone.

I don't know what to do… I'm afraid it's going to be too late before I make a decision and then I'll be scrambling to come up with a plan.This is where it's hard being alone. I know I can pretty much do anything myself and I will.  I'm constantly reminded, though, in times like these that the one that said he would always be there isn't. I know The Dad feels the same way too.

CAN I HAVE THE LANGUAGE OF ORIGIN, PLEASE?
I hosted movie night at work tonight… I chose one of my most favorite movies. Akeelah and the Bee! I picked it for a resident who, sadly, passed away before we scheduled it. She would have loved it.