303/365

HAUNTED HOUSE
I miss my house at Halloween...

...and my dishes and lots of things. I will forever associate Halloween and my birthday with pork roasts - not just because I almost always have pork chops and applesauce for my birthday. I didn't even dress The Lil Bud... she got a new costume but I guess I'll save it for next year. Not one person comes here to trick or treat... ;-(

I'm rambling.

I know.

One of the ladies was in full costume... she's one of my favorites there.  I always go in and check on her and see how she is doing and we sit and talk. She reminds me of my mother-in-law. I've seen her in a couple of the same tops she used to have.  Her granddaughter helped her with her fortune teller costume. So cute.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

302/365

WICKED WAYS
Do they make those Dell Purse Books anymore? Remember them from the grocery store? I was cleaning out my desk and found one of my favorites - my mother's Everyday Witchcraft. It's from 1972. I actually found one on Amazon for $65.00. Pretty good return on a 25 cent book.

I love how it points out that it's not intended to turn you into a full-fledged witch! Damn. ;-)

Some of my fondest memories are of my mother standing on the black bench with a piece of chalk - drawing pentagrams above all the door frames in the house...  I remember going to the library with her and getting wicca books all the time and she would put them in my little denim bag with the white bookworm on it. I came across that bag not too long ago. She was a little obsessed with numerology too.  I wonder if that's why I do that weird counting thing when I see a bunch of numbers.  I had an interesting childhood. ;-)

301/365

HALLOWEEN BUDDIES
Did you see these on Pinterest?  I never got around to the ghost or the candy corn or the witch but I did make these two as a craft for work.  I think I need to stay out of Home Depot and Lowes for awhile!

300/365

DAZED AND CONFUSED

I can't seem to function very well - on a day to day basis... I've been really scattered and confused and feel terrible. Not sick terrible just more in pain terrible. There are 80 and 90 year olds that can lift their arms higher than me during exercise! I can't walk and my wrists and my ankles and the sides of my knees hurt and all I do is check my tongue to try to gauge if I'm dying.  I keep thinking that at any given moment my wrist is going to break or something is going to snap... I'm not saying that because I'm a hypochondriac... I'm saying that because that's exactly what happened to my mother when she was picking up a stack of newspapers. I, honestly, don't remember if she was in as much pain as I was.  It's starting to concern me a little. I was off today and didn't want to do anything but I was forced to clean the garage... again.  Sometimes I hate Chrissy. ;-) She is determined to get The Dad's car in the garage as soon as possible - and is doing everything in her power to avoid cleaning her own house! All I know is that I owe her one (or a hundred) because there is no way I could do this myself.

299/365

"RICOLA!"
The Bud is liking her new antler.

298/365

IT'S ALL GRAVY
This isn't at all weird  - is it?!? Chicken gravy on my croquettes and beef gravy on my mashed potatoes...

297/365

CAR SICK
My car is falling apart... literally.  The whole inside top is falling down. I googled it - it's called the headliner. ABS is always on now - I don't even pay attention to that one anymore.... I like rusty things but come on.  I think the whole back and bottom are going to just disappear one day... If I go over 60 miles an hour the whole car starts to shake - it's like I'm in the movie Speed and I just have to keep it under so many mph.  Last week the air and the heat (I go back and forth) stopped working unless it was on 4.  Googled that too - blower resistor. I was so excited to tell my mechanic I figured it out on my own!  Just this morning - my engine light came on and smoke came out of the hood. I've started to back into parking spaces again in case I have to be towed out.  I think this may be it for this little girl.

296/365

BY THE LIGHT OF THE SILVERY MOON...
I finally started watching this season of American Horror Story... The Bud and I were all snuggled up and the moon came to pay a visit.

295/365

LIFE MOVES PRETTY FAST. IF YOU DON'T STOP AND LOOK AROUND ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU COULD MISS IT.
I was off today.
I still went into work for a staff meeting in the morning...
I decorated The Glo-worm's room...
I took The Bud to get her nails done...
I went to a therapy appointment in Oakland...
Then a doctor appointment to get my BP meds DOUBLED!
And to the Wellness Fair at Shadyside Hospital...
Then went grocery shopping at Whole Foods...
And came home and made dinner...
Then cut out pumpkin faces the rest of the night...

Am I officially a working woman now? ;-)

Here's The Bud going through my swag...

294/365

THEY'RE CREEPY AND THEY'RE KOOKY
Beware of spiders...

293/365

TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
I was back at Dr. Rutman's today... she was so happy and said my cervix looked beautiful and was just smiling at her... What exactly does that look like? All I could think of was this - just in pink.

292/3565

THESE ARE MINE, RIGHT?
The Bud was a little mad that Deluca's presents weren't for her...

291/365

ONCE YOU GO BLACK...
I really think that toes should always be painted red - only red.  Not sure I'm liking this black...

290/365

HOME PLATE
I have a day off today!  I've officially turned into my father and got up early and made breakfast for myself.

289/365

B-I-N-G-O WAS HER NAME-O
I, unexpectedly, had to call BINGO today.  I was a nervous wreck but I got through it. Everyone told me I did a great job!

288/365

WILD DUCK CHASE
I know all the cool kids have already been down to see the duck - again, and again and again. I just never got around to it.  Poor Lily Bud... I told her I would take her too.  She's very fond of rubber ducks.   Anyway, last night, after Katherine's bus left, Chrissy and I went on a wild duck chase. We were driving around town at 11:30 pm - the problem was neither one of us actually knew where the damn duck was and we never found it. So, on my way back from the south hills today I decided I would stop... I ended up not being able to find a parking space so I'm glad I took this awesome shot from the car on the bridge of the Fort Pitt tunnels.

Can you see it?  I think I, quite possibly, may have the worst Pittsburgh Duck picture ever!!! So, with that said, there will be no more attempts.  I actually kind of like my duck photo this way.  ;-)

287/365

MEGA-PROTECTED
I sometimes wonder if I would have been the mother that sat in the car outside the school for the entire day in case there was some sort of disaster... I, more than likely, would have set up a darling little room and home schooled my kid(s).  I mean, come on, I wanted to put The Bud in a bubble suit so she didn't get cooties from the other dogs at PugFest! Anyway, Katherine came in today and I met her and Chrissy for dinner and then we brought her to catch the bus to go back to State College. We dropped her off and waited across the street...  the bus was running a little late so we were all calling trying to get through to see what what was going on... Finally, one came and Katherine was no place to be found.  I immediately came to the conclusion that she was abducted in the twelve minutes we were sitting there... Chrissy was freaking out because she wasn't answering her phone and we couldn't get in touch with her and we knew (but she didn't) that the bus that arrived WAS her bus. I had no choice but to jump out of a moving vehicle and run down the length of the convention center to try to find her. She was sitting on the ground, talking on the phone with no idea that the bus right in front of her was headed to State College!

It would have been a good lesson learned if she missed it, I guess.  The problem was if she did miss it - it would have been us that would have had to drive her to Penn State... though maybe that wouldn't have been a bad thing. Hmmm. I want CCPeppers now. ;-)

286/365

COMFORT AND JOY
I can't tell you what joy it brings me to be able to put my "after school clothes" on and know I don't have to go to work for two days.  I have two whole days off in a row!  Whoo-hoo. If I could snuggle up with my husband and my dog on my green couch... that would be ideal. Sometimes, for a brief second,  I forget where I am... isn't that weird?  I'm going to go take a nap.

285/365

AWARENESS
You know - I really shouldn't give a shit about this.  It's been on my mind, though...  I don't know who else shares this sentiment but I've been silent about this for awhile now and it's starting to piss me off.

I heard my cancer was gone.  Done.  I should just get over it.

I found that funny because every time I go to the doctors I don't really feel like it's gone...

And every morning when I wake up with pain in every joint, you know,  I don't feel like it's gone...

Or every time my alarm goes off to take my medicine...

Or when I look in the mirror and see my incisions...

Or... I think you get where I'm coming from.

Once you get a cancer diagnosis, my dear, it's never really over.

I don't know.  Maybe I'm supposed to just blow it off so it will be easier for others to deal with.  Or maybe I don't have cancer "enough" because I haven't had a spaghetti dinner or a 5K or started a kickstarter to pay for my medical bills.  I'm not asking for a pity party. I just don't know why my cancer isn't taken seriously - by some.  Maybe it's because I've done extraordinarily well, given the circumstances.

FYI - I've done extraordinarily well because you do what you have to do. That doesn't mean it's over.

It's been slightly over a year since I finished my radiation treatments... I'm STILL having effects from it.

It will be a year, on November 13th, since I started my daily medication - something I will be on for the next 10 years and has been causing me problems since I started it. That doesn't sound over to me.

I had the same genetic testing that Angelina Jolie had.  I bet you think she's really brave. I've lost track of the tests and procedures I had. I had two surgeries and two weeks after that I had to go back for another.  I chose to NOT do chemo. Even more testing showed I probably wouldn't have responded to it so, against normal protocol, I opted to go a different route and every month that I go in to get an implant from a giant needle in my stomach - you can say it with me - I don't feel like it's over.

I saw a girl on one of the morning shows the other day - she's a nurse that was diagnosed with breast cancer... she started a blog... the silver pen.  She had something on there today for National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day.  Sometimes I can literally see myself in the hospital at the pay phone 19 years ago. It was on the right side of the hall. I remember, clear as anything, calling Tara and telling her my mother had two weeks.  I remember her asking me 2 weeks for what?  I said to live.   Her breast cancer, even after it was "gone," came back and went to bone and brain... I think that will always play in my mind.

I was diagnosed at 41 years old - the same age as my mother.  8 years later she was dead - even after the 5 year NED (no evidence of disease.) My therapist asked me the other day if I was a fatalist.  If I thought I would end up like my mother. I told him the thought crosses my mind from time to time, especially now, but not really.  I said that, honestly, I'm more concerned about living longer... like the women in the nursing home.  That may be more of a death sentence to me than the other option. We'll save that issue for another day, though.

I guess, after all that, what I'm trying to say is I'm fully aware that my Stage 2b IDC and DCIS, ER+/PR+, HER2-, 1/2 node positive cancer could have been worse. Way worse. Thankfully, it wasn't.

Just remember, friends, it could have been better, too.

Regardless... it's not over.

Just making you aware of that.

284/365

WINNER WINNER PUGGIE DINNER
Today was PUGtoberfest... honestly, I was thinking of skipping it this year just so I could get some sleep but The Dad has been talking about it for months. Today, of course, he was agitated about going. I know that's just his "thing" and he's just doing it to piss me off but I'm kind of over it.  Anyway, he bitched and complained about entering the Pug Look Alike Contest too... there were a ton of participants for that one - not sure if that's a good thing or not!  Anyway, I told him he didn't have to bend down and pick her up. He, of course, did - more than likely because I told him NOT to!  By the time he got up to give his name he was panting like the dogs... Patti, the host, made him stand next to her so he didn't have to over exert himself  by walking to the end of the line.   And after all that fussing who the heck do you think came in first place?  They called out THE DOGFATHER! Click for video.

Lily had a fun time... she said I could have the root beer float if she could have the hot dog!

I didn't even bother with a costume this year. Lily won First Place Pug Costume in 2011 for her Geisha so I like to give the other ones a chance! ;-)  Plus, things have been too hectic and I just couldn't get my act together. I may start now for next year... Lily just went with a simple little shirt and I'm wondering if I should have entered her into curliest tail!

Here are some of the other puggies...

The Tin Man came in first place for pug individual costume...

It was a nice day - there were a lot of people and a lot of pugs...

...and pug wannabes.

And I know there are a lot of tired doggies in their houses tonight.

283/365

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY...
I had a day off so Aunt Joyce, Chrissy and I went to Ligonier today for the festival... It wasn't supposed to rain all week and then today it called for showers... It wasn't a total wash out but the weather could have been better. It was the same as every other year so we weren't terribly impressed... there was a giant potato on a truck and we started off with pancakes and hit some thrift stores on the way back and ended with our favorite chicken romano.

And this booth STILL had the same sign from last year! ;-)

282/365

THE SKY IS FALLING
Have you seen this Mercedes commercial?  It just cracks me up.

281/365

PICK A NAME - ANY NAME
My mother's number has been all around... everywhere. I see it on everything possible... the time... on a cash register... at the gas pump... on a receipt or license plate, etc... I sometimes will set the timer on my phone instead of an alarm if I'm going to take a little 15 minute nap... The other night I was exhausted and did just that or so I thought.  It turns out I must have set the stopwatch instead... I did wake up a little later than expected!  ;-)  Anyway, I didn't even remember until something made me go into it and I ended up stopping it here.

1-6-2... We had a little reception for some of the volunteers as well as one of the sons of a resident.  He's a big help with Bingo and so many other things so he was honored today for his work and dedication.  He  brought his brother (who is also a big help) and his mom came down and three of his mom's friends - the Glo-worm being one of them! The "girls" are really cute together - they are like a little gang and all kind of hang out together...  From time to time someone on the floor will be taking care of a baby doll. I got off the elevator the other night after the reception and there was his mom at the nurses station with a doll - I was like what the heck - are all you girls having babies up here and they all started cracking up.  I asked her what she named the baby and out of all the names she could have chosen she looked at me and what do you think she said?

Yep. Josephine.

My mother's name.

280/365

WORD TO YOUR MOTHER
Totally in love with Vanilla Ice goes Amish... I don't think it started yet but you can on demand the first episode.

279/365

A SCRUB IS A GUY THAT CAN'T GET NO LOVE FROM ME

I bought my first set of scrubs the other day.

278/365

NOT ALL FUN AND GAMES
Chrissy and Cara went out shopping while I was at work today. When I was finished I met them at Target and we went to dinner. I wasn't scheduled for this weekend at all but ended up covering someone else both days. I've been scrambling trying to catch up with other things I need to do. I actually had a hard time staying awake on my way to Target and, truthfully, don't even know how I made it there.  On my way to meet them I, without thinking, pulled right into UPMC EAST when I saw it... worse yet - I even parked!  I kind of sat there like what the hell are you doing?!? I guess I thought I was going to my radiation appointment!?! The first couple days of work I would just burst into tears in the car on the way out of there... The other day I picked up the phone because I wanted to tell David something that happened...  I've just been completely out of it. It seems like the Glo-worm may be a little jealous that I'm playing with other residents there. She doesn't seem to be getting what's going on and I think she thinks I'm living there now.  She's very confused. There is a lady that screams out for her husband all the time and asks everyone where he is - he's been gone for some time.   She thinks he's coming for her and yells out that she's in the big room with the clock.  It's very sad. I keep wondering if that's going to be me in twenty-thirty years... remembering my past -  screaming out for David to meet me at the clock at the entrance of the Magic Kingdom?  It's hard to not have that run through your mind.  This job isn't all fun and games... well, I guess it is mostly fun and games.  There's also sorrow and despair and loneliness.  For now though, there's cake with the girls.

277/365

DRESS DOWN DAY
Yesterday was my first working girl jeans on the first friday of the month day.

276/365

WORKING 9-8... WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A LIVING

One of my co-workers had a family emergency so I had to stay late last night and fill in for her. I was the only one on and a little unsure of myself for the evening programs. I guess it was a good thing that my boss thought I could handle it on my own after only working a short time.  I did ok - I think!  I'm not so sure I'm cut out for this working woman thing, though. It's not a "don't want to work thing" it's a fulfillment/happiness thing... I just said it the other day and I'm sticking to it - I'd still rather be a housewife!   I'm totally paranoid about not getting up on time too.... getting the dog out and leaving the house. This was my first days alarm schedule...

Fortunately I'm not that early now but it's the same - just a couple hours later... and I still have a problem with setting alarms on the hour, etc... I always have to go over by a minute. ;-)

275/365

I BELIEVE... I BELIEVE...
I know celebrity mediums are the thing and I'm not knocking them at all - whatever floats your boat. I'm not real fond of the one that just toured through Pittsburgh... he's just a creepy man child to me and I can't stand looking at him. I remember when he (and some others) got all that bad press many years ago about having people posing as spectators in the crowd... listening in on the conversations people were having then feeding the info back to the crew.  Not an unheard of concept - that's been going on for years. I'm not here to question his legitimacy or that of anyone else. If you have some disposable cash and it's more important to you than some other things then enjoy the show! I was laughing at the rsvp list for the event on facebook, though. I kept getting the stupid pop up on the side of the screen with that face.  Eww.

Anyway, talk about modern day fishing - I had to question what the need was to unnecessarily have access to everyone's facebook page that was planning on attending... was it to do a little "research" to potentially use in the show?  Who knows... well I guess he does.

274/365

MY BUDDY AND ME

Goal was to get The Dad to be able to park in his garage by September - then October... Running a little late so I was forced to start cleaning out the garage on my day off. I didn't even get to sleep in!  We did have a little helper though...

273/365

TIME TO GET READY FOR PUMPKIN FLAVORED EVERYTHING