120/365

SIXTEEN CANDLES

Here I am with another after midnight / after party coffee... ;-) Today was Janel's sixteenth birthday... she wanted Uncle Ronnie's meatballs!

Wait a minute... Did I just say that - sixteen?!?!?! It seems like about twenty minutes ago Debbie walked in here and plopped her car seat down for her "first friday" here.

Here she is all those years later "thanking" her facebook friends for her birthday wishes.

Lily and Uncle Jimmy were best buds as usual...

I'm not sure if the little pup is feeling well...

She got up in the middle of the night and peed in The Dad's room... tonight she came in from outside and peed in the middle of the living room while everyone was eating. I can't tell if she is sick or just being a bitch... you know how kids from single parent families can be.

Just because it's so pretty - check out Barbie's salad...

... and J's cute cake.

Cheers, Janel!

Happy Sweet 16... I'm sure it will seem like twenty minutes from now we'll be celebrating your 21st.

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♥ HAPPILY EVER AFTER IS SO ONCE UPON A TIME ♥

I'm not a big follower of The Royal Family but I will admit I sat in bed with Lily and watched the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton...

...and I wore my tiara too! I remember watching Diana and Fergie get married and I clearly remember watching the television the night Diana died - I was sitting on the couch here... I think Dave and Dan were out that night.

Even if you're not really into it, how could you not want to see what dress was chosen or if Kate would leave "obey" out of the vows like Diana did? Besides that, how could you not want to see all the lovely hats? Well maybe not the hats on Fergie's girls! ;-)

With all this wedding talk in the air - I couldn't resist thinking about our wedding. I helped on a history/geneology project last night...

The Dad even made biscotti for extra credit! We were working on the family tree and I was reading an insert that came with some scrapbook papers... It read: "if an individual has been divorced, you can make a simple notation in the tree. Include the ex's ancestry only if there were children from the union." I can't tell you how horrible that made me feel - that in a short time I will literally be erased out of the family that I felt so much a part of for the last twenty+ years - plucked right off the tree like our wedding never existed. All that money and planning that both of us put into that day... the care and attention to detail that even with 400 people - made everyone feel like they were a part of it.

It's funny how love can make you go head over hills like this guy and make your head hurt like this little bridesmaid... ;-)

I have to say that the trees that were brought into Westminster Abbey took my breath away...

This, though, was my favorite moment from the wedding - on the balcony, after the kiss (or I guess I should say kisses) they were walking back in and she looked back at the crowd... like let me just take one more look so I can remember this...

A photo taken with her eyes, if you will. ;-)

So, congratulations to the happy couple... may they live happily ever after. ♥

118/365

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

I left the house at 9 AM and just walked in the door now - a little before 1 AM. It was nice to actually have two working headlights... I think it was the end of December that I mentioned that one of my headlights was out... I went over 4 months like that.

I'm going to bed.

117/365

TOT - Ten On Tuesday (a day late)

1. I'm going to do this post early because these little blue pills are knocking me on my butt... Speaking of butts. I bought yoga pants the other day at Sam's Club and I have to say my butt looks fantastic in them.

2. Not sure about this. Pomsky = Pomeranian + Husky

3. No one likes a know-it-all...

4. Everyone wants to be a winner.

5. Does anyone remember this movie?

6. What if you lived in IKEA?

7. If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu.

It's always NOW - isn't it?

8. Probably not happening any time soon since they used the Millenium Celebration for about six years but I really would like the "disney memories" commercial to STOP now.

9. I had to tell everyone that goes shopping with me to STOP me if I ever bought another bag of marshmallows. I am a sucker for those seasonal ones... hearts, bunnies, gingerbread men... I did open the bunnies on Easter but the christmas ones and hearts are still down there. I made the pistachio fluff b/c I forgot what the colored mini ones tasted like and wanted to try them in there (yum) and made rice krispie treats with the normal ones... Funny thing is I don't even really like marshmallows all that much.

10. Slackers. ;-)

116/365

GOODNIGHT, SWEETHEART

I don't feel like doing a TOT tonight... maybe tomorrow. I can't seem to function very well today...

115/365

For as smooth and error free as yesterday went - today was just the opposite. I must have had too much midnight coffee last night because I was up almost the entire night. I had nothing ready for my appointment... I couldn't find my script... I was literally filling the papers out in the car... I got there and the doctor was an hour late. It was worth it, though, because I think he may have been the nicest man I ever met. He, of course, asked if there was a relation to the Dr. and he told me that his father, a pharmacist from penn hills, was very good friends with Romeo back in the day. He did the exam and he said we should do the MRI today. I was a little shocked because I thought he was just going to blow me off and say it's just anxiety and to go home and calm down - so I just said OK and was brought back in the tube. Long story short - no MS... there's a few more tests to do but it looks like it's migraines. I just took my first anti-depressant so we'll see how that works out.

I went straight to the bar after the appointment.

The Genius Bar, that is. I woke up and my laptop battery wasn't working... I freaked because I didn't know how to use the backup drive and I was afraid I was going to lose everything so I scheduled something at the Apple store. He fixed my battery and my charger and my backup drive and even got my mail to work. Thanks, Derrick.

I came out and this father and son hillbilly family pulled up next to me in this giant red truck - They were right NEXT TO ME - like on top of me. Luckily, they were having a hard time figuring out how to work the pay station so I went up to them... They looked at me like I was going to go all Perkins on them... I think they were shocked when I asked them for help getting out of the spot and to guide me out so I didn't hit them. I bet that was the first time they talked to a city girl like me. ;-)

I did all this and Glo was still at the house... so much for my imaginary 30 minute appointment I thought I was going to have. I never thought I would be there for three hours. By the time I came back it was time to leave for the Apple store. I came home bearing ice cream sandwiches and offered one to Glo and she laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world and questioned WHY I was eating ice cream sandwiches at THAT hour of the morning. I asked her what time it was and she said it was 9:30 am (it was really 4:30!) So, my sleeping over plan didn't work out as expected and poor Glo got late checkout.

Anyway, these guys were on Ellen today while I was in the waiting room. I can't get it out of my head and must go to sleep now - I think these pills are knocking me out. I am getting very sleepy. ;-)

114/365

SEEK, AND YE SHALL FIND

I loved the DiGioia Easter Egg hunts... even though, all those years, we never had our own children go on the search we did have a participant of sorts... she would just go along with the other "kids" sniffing and searching for all those eggs. I always liked this picture above - it's actually RoseBud. It always spoke to me that sometimes what you are looking for is right there in front of you. Or maybe it's saying the gardener will find it in August! Some times Mum would lose a money egg here or there and they were discovered months later while they were cutting the grass! ;-)

It was yucky out so I did Lily's hunt inside... Her basket sucked this year... I forgot to get one at the house so I used this dollar store egg and re-gifted some of her Christmas bones and treats. Glo wanted to get her food but I never got a chance to get it so she said she would just give her money. That's normal - all dogs get money eggs, right? ;-)

All in all it was a good day. I think the Easter Gods and Goddesses must have been with me this year... Dinner actually went down without a problem. I was strangely well prepared - even though I only got my act together last night... my timing was ok... everything was good. We had two kinds of coffee running at all times - flavored and regular. It was team work at it's best. The dishes were even done before the food was put away. I'm waiting for birds to fall out of the sky and the fish to go belly up again.

I did discover a few things. though.... All kitchens should have - at minimum - three ovens... When someone says, sarcastically, "what are you doing now?!?" while you are cleaning the stove and you say, "everything you said you were going to do" - it CAN be taken sarcastically even though it was a 100% TRUE, matter of fact comment... The sounds of Slingo get more and more aggravating when you are running around the house trying to get ready... It ALWAYS takes longer than you think to clean... mixing that layered salad is hard work... sometimes I wish Glo knew how to drive.... and I don't know when it's going to stop feeling like he should still be here.

I am proud of myself for what I think is a major accomplishment on my part.

I wanted to bite the head off that butter lamb for the last week and a half. I don't think Paula Deen would have been able to control herself like I did. ;-)

It was really a laid back kind of day. Twin did some bird watching and was Lily's best friend - as usual...

Between the kids and following her buddy around - there is one tired puppy in this house... Glo's sleeping over because I have an appointment in the morning and didn't feel like taking her home. Lily's in there with her. When they were getting settled in bed I heard her telling Lily about sharing a bed with RoseBud in Norfolk. They are sleeping like babies. Kind of like this little guy.

It's hard to believe another Easter has gone by. Last Easter was the first holiday without Mum and I wasn't even there... that still makes me sad. It's still hard to be out of that family but I'm grateful for this one. Thanks everyone for all your help.

Hope everyone had a Happy Easter. I'm going to go get some coffee. ;-)

113/365

ANY EGG-CUSE FOR A PHOTO OP... ;-)

All my FB friends are posting pictures of their kids dying eggs so I figured I might as well take some pictures too... I set up a little area and grabbed my assistant. I can't remember the last time I colored eggs.

She wouldn't stop sniffing this egg that I gave to her today... I think it smelled like home.

"I'll just put MY egg in here with the rest of them!"

"They look like my fish egg toys... why can't I pick them up?"

Did those of you with kids run into this problem?

... eating the carton.

"...let me just get one of these out of here..."

Holiday prep time was one of my favorite things... I miss my helper. We were a good team. I think I have a lot of people fooled that I am organized and all those other good things... I'm easily distracted to say the least. My cousins and aunt have been doing a good job keeping me focused today - I don't think anyone wants a repeat of Christmas. ;-) I did make a layered salad tonight in 14 minutes. I think that may be a record! If anyone wants to battle me in a layered salad off - it's on. I think I will win. ;-)

I feel like I'm crashing fast, though... I better go to bed and just get up early... the rest will have to wait.

I guess it's after midnight now so Happy Easter from Lily and me.

112/365

COMFY SWEATER

Do you have a comfy sweater? Your go-to wearable security blanket.... There's just something romantic and comforting and protective about a big old sweater. I laughed when I saw this.

And then I cried.

It wasn't because of the sweater... Every time I see old people I think about what they were like young and if what they are like now is what they wanted to become then. I don't know if that makes any sense. I thought about that yesterday when I watched that cashier take all that shit from those wacky coupon people - wondered if he thought "here I am - a checkout guy at 65+ scanning your discounted groceries - how the hell did that happen?" I always thought about that at the grocery store near my house... there was this older guy that would go collect the carts. I don't even know if he is still there or if he wonders why I haven't been around. He was a little slow. I always wondered what his story was. Never asked him, though. It was probably better that I didn't know. Sometimes he would help me put my groceries in the car and I would give him a couple dollars. A couple times he gave me a kiss. He always asked me if he could. I would wonder when the last time was that he kissed someone - his wife, mother, daughters, dog... but never really knew if he had any of those in his life. I still think about him. I wondered if he was happy doing what he was doing or just did it to do something.

I never would have said I was unhappy. Ever. Even with all the things I went through. I always felt I was where I wanted to be - never felt stuck or put out... never felt like I should be doing something different with my life. I may have lacked focus and was easily distracted but one thing was certain - I knew who I wanted to share my sweater with.

It was Earth Day today. It's been a year already. 365 days ago I wrote these words - and, BTW, I haven't done one thing to that canvas. In fact, I'm not even sure where it is - which box, which bin, which house? If you've never heard Marty's words click here... Do not let this universe regret you... Close your eyes and listen. Those words have stayed in my head always. From the moment I saw her on Def Poets - I think I looked it up and it was 2005 - her words stuck with me. Some days it's harder to hear them though. ;-(

111/365

SLIGHTLY AIMLESS

The day started out weird... The waitress at Dick's Diner thought she knew me from somewhere... I thought she was way older than me actually. Turns out she was 38. Had a kid in 9th grade and a 21 year old. Yes. 21. So at that point I was already like FML. She asked if I went to City Limits a lot. Thought she knew me from there... the days of big hair and 80s, she said. She ended up knowing my cousin Michael. She was really nice but I still don't know who she is.

The day got progressively weirder... I was feeling slightly aimless today at the grocery store. Just felt a little out of it - like I was in another world. Found myself wandering up and down the same aisles not quite knowing what I was doing or looking for. Not really caring either. At one point I just wanted to stop and sit down in the middle of the store. I felt like everyone was moving around me and I was just still.

Then I got to the checkout, specifically chosen because the women in front of me only had a few things... what I didn't see was the most miserable couple in monroeville who was in front of her with 300 things... they were just about finished and then the 300 coupons appeared. I swear they must have had a coupon for every single item they bought. Then a fist fight almost went down when the cashier said they didn't buy the land o lakes butter they had a 30 cent coupon for. They insisted they did and went through every bag that was packed. Seriously - 30 cents. I wanted to hand them a dollar and tell them to get the hell out of the store. I don't even know if they got the butter or not. I was talking to the girl standing behind me who was feeding her baby in the cart so I missed the outcome of the butter ordeal.

Here's the miserable coupon guy. Didn't even say thank you to the checkout guy. That made me mad.

I put the groceries in, got in the car and didn't feel like driving home. I wanted to snuggle up in the backseat under Lily's blanket and take a nap but figured that would be a little strange so I sat there and ate this.

It was pretty much melted after the wait time in line and I don't even like ice cream all that much but those single serve containers get me every time. Especially the ones with the little spoons. So cute.

I don't feel like talking about anything else right now so I'm going to bed... I'll leave this night with a funny picture I found on Pinterest of a dog that looks like Chewbacca.

110/365

WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF?

An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life...

He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil - it is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride, competition, superiority and ego.

The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?"

The Elder simply replied, "The one you feed."

109/365

TOT - Ten on Tuesday

1. Passover dinner tonight. We are all full of Manischewitz and Matzos. Lily is full of something else - after Sabrina ate her dinner (oops) Carey gave Lily her first taste of duck. You would have thought she died and went to heaven. She loved it.

2. Sharon posted this on facebook the other day... The Power of Words. It's worth watching.

3. Font choice gone bad... ;-)

4. I tried Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat beer the other night. I don't know what Fruity Pebbles taste like so can't compare it to that but I didn't hate it.

5. I always wanted a panic room.

6. Here's Glo with her birthday cake shake for her 83rd birthday saturday night...

Her fortune cookie was appropriate for a birthday - "Your wish is about to come true." Mine was a little strange... It was cut in half! Don't know what the beginning is supposed to read but here's the last part. "... trouble to praise people." Seriously - who gets half a fortune?

7. Hey Diddle Diddle...

8. Mason jars make me smile... I have a nice little collection going on here.

9. Plum High School's lip dub video for the Penguins - J around 4:20.

10. Words to live by...

108/365

I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND

This is old and I do have a love of otters... Every time I see this picture, though, I think it's the cutest thing ever.

Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift away from each other.

You can watch the video here. Awwww at about 1:18. ;-)

107/365

PICTURES OF YOU

I was going to take the Bud for pictures with the Easter Bunny today but I didn't feel like driving to Wexford. I hurt my back/neck or have meningitis - one or the other. How many imaginary illnesses have I come up with lately? I'll answer that - a lot. Anyway, sorry, Lily - I know I promised you I'd take you for a ride. ;-(

I have so many pictures of RoseBud - thousands, actually. I've been searching for a picture of me in an orange shirt on the couch with RB on my lap... I swear I had it but can't seem to locate it. I did come across these, though, which aren't your normal snapshots and may make some people uncomfortable. They were at the emergency room after she died. They may not be as pretty as some of the other ones but they are real and I'm so glad I have them.

We all went back to say good bye.

"...there was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more

than to feel you deep in my heart...

there was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more

than to never feel the breaking apart... all my pictures of you..."

Goodnight, Bud, wherever you are. ♥