365/365

I WANT MY BABY BACK...
Does anyone remember this commercial? ;-)

I saw this at Sam's today...

By at the moment they meant not until Wednesday. Really, people?  I don't have time for this shit. ;-)  The butcher said they went through 75 cases in 2 1/2 days.  So I bought a pork roast and then I found ribs at Giant Eagle and now I have way too much food because all I really want is General Tso's chicken. ;-)

Here's to 2012...may 2013 be everything you make it to be.

Happy New Year's Eve.

364/365

FIFTY SHADES OF PINK
I know this is gross but that hasn't stopped me from posting a pic of anything else...

This is just part of it - the worst part and - I know - yuck. ;-) There's no denying that this year has been a bit of a disaster. If there's any lesson learned it's that life isn't all rainbows and unicorns - it's burns and shit like this too.  It's both.  Reality can escape you but you can't escape from reality. Be happy with all of it.

363/365

I DON'T EVEN LIKE PASTA SALAD
Seriously... I'm an accident waiting to happen, lately. I spent 2 hours at Med Express today.  Can you tell what this is?

It's a giant bandage around my belly from getting burned by scalding hot water while draining macaroni for pasta salad. The pot slipped out of my hands and I guess I tried to catch it with my tummy.  That didn't work out too well.

363/365

IS THIS GOING TO BE MY HOME NOW?
I went to my therapist's today and he was a little shocked... he was very proud but said he was surprised I made the decision I did to not bring the Glo-worm home on Christmas Eve.  It's still not a decision that I like but I had no other choice. For me and, I think, her it was the only way to go.  I stopped at her house after my appointment and was kind of just frozen there.  I just sat and looked around. I took some pictures like those I took after RoseBud died - of how things were from her perspective.  I sat at her chair in the bedroom and at the couch...  You know this Santa in front of her tv started it all LAST year!

Her remote was out and she must have stared at it long enough to imagine him talking to her.  It more than likely happened again this time.  I'm hoping my Mother really was there that last night and came to her and said enough was enough and it was time for me to go home.  Not that I really have a home to go to.  I know what it's like to be kicked out as well. I went to visit Glo last night and one of the first things she said to me was - is this going to be my home now? ;-(  

I have a crazy connection to the things I love... at least that's what people tell me. I don't think it's that crazy!  I have kissed the walls of Dixon House and thanked them every time I would go there in case I never saw them again. Parts of my life and my things are still there and I miss them.  I was upset and sad that Glo may never see her place again after being plucked out of there by the EMTs.  I think about that with Mum too and me. Chrissy bitched slapped me and said that Glo and most people don't care about their houses like I do.  I'm not so sure of that, though.

I'll add another favorite post of mine here... seems relevant right now.  It's from September of last year... MY LIFE.

358/365

CLASSY

Can anyone tell me where to find a good Cabernet Sauvignon?  Anyone?  I bought these plastic red solo cup wine glasses... they are BPA free.  I am drinking a Shirley Temple out of one right now.  With three cherries.  'Cause I'm classy like that.

357/365

ALL I NEED IS LOVE
Have you seen the Muppets/CeeLo Green video? Adorbs.

So Santa's my Homie?!

Official video here.

(Do do - do do do... do do do do... love how they sampled mahna mahna.)

356/365

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS
I'm so used to wacky themes for Christmas I forgot how to have a traditional one! In my lack of not having anything bizarre - I didn't take pictures of the food!  Just this tree - which I forgot to put out until after dessert but better late than never!  Thanks to Sue for her delicious homemade hot pepper jelly!

I never got to clean or even finish buying and wrapping presents...

The stockings never got filled and are still on the treadmill...

I didn't even get to take a shower! I literally just ran out of time and, honestly, couldn't have cared less.

Lily was sick of waiting to open presents while I was running around all morning... I heard her trying to rip open her gifts...

She got a little mad when I stopped her and she fell asleep next to the Dad's presents...

We went up to visit Glo-worm who was still in her paper scrubs she was transported in the night before... I hurried up and wrapped a few things for her to open - though I don't know if she'll ever get to use them.

We ran back up later in the evening to bring Glo dessert... stopped at the light and looked at Deb's car... Can you see it? 62.1 miles. ;-)

I had to go back up hours later when I realized my purse was missing...I'm not even going to go into that.  Let's just say I'm a little frazzled and leave it at that.  ;-)  So, all in all, I think it was a good choice to cancel Christmas this year. Keep pinning peeps and be ready for Christmas in July.

Here's a little video of Lily opening up one of her presents.  ;-)

355/365

AWAY IN A MANGER
I was coming home tonight and passed St. Susanna's just as the clock struck Christmas... I saw something shining as I passed. I turned around and drove up to the rectory to say hello to this...

The hospital called early this morning and asked if I would be able to take Glo home today or tomorrow... they were still testing and going under the assumption it was a seizure on Saturday but there was no need for her to be in the hospital while they did it. It seemed, with the holiday, they were pretty anxious to get rid of people. Without (much) hesitation I answered the only way I could have.  I said NO. By 3 o'clock she was on her way to a nursing home. It's too late to get into much more now so I'll leave it at that. I still have to clean and wrap and plan dinner for tomorrow but I think that can all wait until morning... going to go take my puppy into bed.

PS. I hit "post" at 2:16 am. :-)

354/365

WE NEED TO TALK
I ended up not going back to Glo-worms Friday night after being out the entire day shopping... I was too tired and the roads were actually a little bad from the snow. I unexpectedly decided to go back to The Dad's and stay the night. I called Glo and she was fine.  I called her Saturday morning and told her where I had a "hidden" pill case (in case something like this happened) with a one day supply. She told me to stay out and finish what I needed to do.  I called to check in around 2 in the afternoon and she sounded funny - she said the remote wasn't working for the tv and asked if she should call comcast.  I told her to call Babe and see if it was their building or if it was hers only...  Long story short, Babe's daughter came down and changed the batteries... by the time I finally got there around 7 pm Glo was out of it... she was really spacey and not really responding to what I was saying... the tv was on but the volume was completely down. When I would say something to her she just had a sort of blank stare. We went through the mail and unpacked my bags and I went in the bathroom... I heard her talking and thought she was talking to me... I peaked out and saw her standing there facing the dining room table... I walked over to her and asked who she was talking to and she looked at me and said - your mother.

My mother's number has been all around - this past week especially... every time I check the time or an email comes through or something on my phone beeps, I see some variation of it...

Guess who was 21.6 pounds when she went to the vets for her checkup this week?  Yeah, The Lily Bud...

The Dad went to the dealership to get his oil changed on his car today... he came back with this on his keys...

Anyway, I told her my mother wasn't there and asked if she was hungry - I fixed something to eat and we sat at the dining room table... I was going over my shopping list with her and she just kind of sat there... I asked if she wanted a popsicle... she did and mid way through she just kind of stopped and slowly collapsed on the table. I tried to wake her up but she was unresponsive... I really thought she was dead. I couldn't find a pulse in her wrist but thought I felt something in her neck so I called 911 and ran into the bedroom to try to find a bra!  I'm usually half naked in the house - ask the meals on wheels delivery guy who came in without knocking! ;-)  She finally came to and the ambulance came shortly after and she took a little ride...

I went upstairs to tell Babe what happened and she said she was going to the hospital with me... we spent the next three hours in the ER. We got back a little before 2 am and it's terrible to say but I was almost a little too excited.  I ran around the apartment like I was on supermarket sweep grabbing all my stuff. All I kept thinking was - I'm going to sleep in my own bed tonight with the bud! In the middle of me running around I looked at the clock and saw the time...

... so I decided to have a little talk with anyone that may have been in the room with me.  Not sure they heard me or not but I had a few things I wanted to tell some people. ;-)

Glo was more with it today than I thought she would be... I asked her if she remembered talking to my mother yesterday - thinking she would say she didn't or she thought it was me - but she said yes.  I asked her what they were talking about and she said my mother wouldn't say anything.  She said she was all gussied up though!

353/365

AND THE WORLD GOES ON

352/365

...AND I FEEL FINE

Happy Winter Solstice!
What are you releasing this year? Here's Pixie's lovely ceremony from last year and some ways to celebrate.

351/365

SLEEPLESS IN...
I haven't slept in weeks... it's extremely uncomfortable at the Glo-worm's place.  This is the earliest I went to bed. Looked at the clock and there it was... these numbers follow me. ;-) I'm sure I will be up in ten minutes.

350/365

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF
What's more annoying? People that click a like button on Facebook and stop there or those that take other people's words as their own. Social media has opened up a lot of doors - it also made people big fat wannabe idiots.

349/365

MAP GIRL
"It's f-ing Westmorland Mall... did you really need to print a map?" ;-)

348/365

THAT'S ONE EXPENSIVE TREE
We were sitting at the dining room table and Glo-worm was telling Chrissy about buying her ceramic tree many, many years ago... she said she saw this guy making them in the mall they had the dry cleaning business in... she kept looking at them and Uncle Norman told her to go buy one. She chose the color she wanted and had to wait a week for it to be finished. She told her that it was really reasonable too - she thinks she only paid a thousand dollars for it!!! ;-)

347/365

IMPOSTER!!!
I took Lily to get her picture taken with Santa today... I was not prepared at all. I realized right before we were leaving that all her Christmas clothes were in storage so she didn't even have a cute outfit.  She wasn't feeling it either.  She knew this Santa wasn't the real thing. The poor lady (I mean Santa) was trying so hard... she even moved the rug and tried to give her treats.  I had to drag her to get close to her.   I had the dog version of the crying kid on Santa's lap!

Lily was exhausted from her big deceitful day and was one pooped puppy when we got back in the car.

It's ok, pup.  The real Santa knows if you've been bad or good... so be good for goodness sake!

The Santas of Christmas Past.
2011
2010

346/365

PARTY TIME
Christmas party at the Knapp's tonight full of good food and fun times!

345/365

A CHILDHOOD REMEMBERED

Chrissy has been talking about these cookies from a little grocery store near her... now I know what she means.

They are just simple Christmas cutout sugar cookies.  I took one bite, though, and I was immediately transported to 1976. I felt like I was eating my childhood. Every Christmas memory came to mind with every bite of those sugar crystals... I think it's safe to say that, whether you are a parent or not, most will go to bed tonight with a heavy heart after what happened in Newtown, CT today.  I can't stop thinking about the unopened Christmas presents that are under the tree for those little kids and the parents that dropped their kids off in the morning never to pick them up again. An unfinished life for all of them - young and old. There was a school stabbing in China as well as well as a few other things... shooting in Vegas, etc...  I'm not going to pretend to know the answer to what should be done for any of it... I don't think banning guns is the answer but I don't know what is. To all of those who's lives were cut short - rest in peace their souls.

344/365

IN MY BOOK...

...mashed potatoes are totally "breakfast potatoes."  ;-)

343/365

IF YOU CHANGE NOTHING, NOTHING WILL CHANGE

342/365

ANOTHER STRANGE THING YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME
My injection today beat me up so I'm going to make this quick and go take a nap before I go to bed!  Here's a silly little fact about little old me. I often wish I had a longer neck. Lately that's been getting to me. Must be a scarf thing.  On a similar note - I sometimes wish I would have been a giraffe collector instead of a pig collector.  I'm too far into the pig thing to switch it up now. ;-)

341/365

THANKS FOR COMING, DON'T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS
Glo-worm had us cracking up when she said "Who am I?" and did her best impersonation of all the people at the nursing home sleeping in and on their lunches.

Let's just say this tour didn't go so well. Looks like we are back to square one.

340/365

IT'S HIP TO BE SQUARE
Back in the day, The Dad had matchbooks made with this photo on them...

We were joking at the craft show the other day about the lack of testosterone in the room... I told Ted he shouldn't be a hater just because he wasn't a baby wearing, skinny jeaned, man scarf wearing young buck like the rest of them. I told him he just needed to put on an old cardigan and embrace his inner hipster because he once was one too. ;-)

If you are looking for a cute gift book for your favorite hipster (young or old) I recommend this one... Dads Are the Original Hipsters... and tumblr here.

339/365

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE
My RoseBud was chosen as a pug for "we_are_pug_lovers" 25 Pugs Of Christmas on Instagram today! Love The Bud!

338/365

I STRUGGLE TO FIND ANY TRUTH IN YOUR LIES

337/365

DAMN... I MISS THE BRADY BUNCH

336/365

I'M BACK...
Been really sick... got the flu shot on Friday and got extremely sick on Saturday.  You do the math. My acupuncturist/naturopathic doctor always advised me against the shot - it's only the second time I've had it... You do the math on that too.   Scroll down - I'll back post the last few days with some fluff that's on my mind because I like fluff.  I'll call it integral fluff  -  so it's good stuff... umm fluff. Whatevs.  Anyway, this little pup never left my side.  You rock, Lily Bud. Best. Puppy. Ever.

335/365

CRAZY DOG MOM

I'm known to be an expert gift giver.  Only problem these days is I'm like six months behind on gifts. Chrissy just got her gift a couple weeks ago - her birthday was in June and Cara's gifts are all downstairs. I haven't had time to package them yet - her birthday was just in August, though... My goal for the next year is to be on top of the birthday thing - I just have to catch up on all the ones from this year first.  Though instead of just a birthday month - we get to celebrate the birthday half year so I don't know if it's really a bad thing.  Anyway, my pups always get a lot of gifts for Christmas and Birthdays and Easter and Halloween and sometimes just a random Tuesday.  I'm always on the lookout for interesting things that a dog would enjoy. Like these things I got on small business saturday.

No they are not for me. I'm sure Lily will be thrilled with her new tarot deck and will have great parties with all her girlfriends. I love that she rolls with such a bad ass crew. This picture still cracks me up.

I think RoseBud had an Amazon wish list of books she wanted... I have to see if that's still on there. Shop till you drop!

334/365

GOT TO BE REAL

How real are you?

One of my favorite jams ever... Cheryl Lynn's Got To Be Real.

333/365

BLAME IT ON THE PLAYA NOT THE GAME
Or is it the other way around? I don't know... but I think this costume is hysterical.

322/365

THIS MILLER'S THING...
I met the Murphy Family at Millers for the Christmas party and it went all downhill after that... I left my car and we all went to New Ken... I never should have gone but I was taking one for the team and didn't want to miss out on the day of antiquing goodness. We got back and I had to pass on going to eat.  You know I wasn't feeling well if that happened. ;-) Anyway, this Millers's thing is becoming a problem. Along with my lovely little baby truck (and another mid sized one I haven't posted yet)  -  last week I walked down the steps and saw this beauty... a giant wagon!

I so need a giant wagon, right?

I'm sure I gasped out loud - I just had a vision of maybe three flocked trees in there or that fabulous white pine one at the rusty angel... my pup in front for her christmas picture... Why do I have to have such mad Christmas decorating skills?  It's a blessing and a curse, really.  All I knew was that thing was MINE and up the steps it was dragged right to the register. In my best spoiled  bitch only child voice -  No one else will have this, I said in my head.  At least I think it was just in my head and in the car it went.

Unfortunately, my vision was not long lived... I don't have one place to put it so I took it to storage to live amongst friends. ;-)

It was nice while it lasted.

331/365

RING A DING DING
I had encounters two days in a row with the lovely Dean... in a little deli in Greensburg...

... and a coffee shop in Lawrenceville.

For more Dino fun... visit the great blog i love dino martin here!

330/365

I'LL BE MISSING YOU
There are three things I can say I miss right about now...my husband, my home and my RoseBud.

Happy Birthday, Pup!  Love The Bud!

329/365

BROKEN DOWN TRUCK

I'm a truck girl... metal trucks are one thing I'm always on the lookout for when I'm out junking or in a thrift store... I couldn't pass this little guy up at Millers. It's only about 3 inches long. I feel like I want to carry it around with me like a little doll.   I felt an instant connection to it when I saw it.  I picked it up and turned it around and noticed it was missing a wheel and it only made it better!  I knew no one else would want it. That's actually why I bought it - because it was broken... kind of like me. I love my little broken truck!

328/265

TBT - TRUTH BE TOLD (Bah Humbug)
I'm officially putting the TOTs to bed - no more ten on tuesdays!  I've been toying with the idea of the TBTs for awhile now and I think it's time. Not sure if I will make it TBT Tuesdays or Thursdays or even both but I may as well start now...

I was out today and met my friend, Mary Pat for dinner tonight. I called Glo-worm on my way to dinner and asked what was going on... she said she heard something beeping and didn't know what it was. She told me she walked around for a couple hours and couldn't figure out where it was coming from - never called me or told me the couple times I checked in to see how she was. She said she finally called Bill or Dan or the other Dan and told me they said it was the carbon monoxide detector.  I don't really know what happened yet until I talk to one or all of them in the morning but she said "he" replaced it and put a big stick in the fireplace and near the furnace and he sat on the couch for 2 hours - I'm not sure any of that is true but the sliding glass door is open just in case.

Actually, it's 4:20 am.  I just heard her fall in her bedroom.  Not sure why. She said she got up to go to the bathroom and just fell. I don't know if she was wandering and didn't know where she was and ran into the nightstand but when I went in she and the lamp were on the floor and the nightstand was pushed to the wall.

My truth for today (which is now tomorrow because I never got to this last night) is that I can't handle any of this anymore... I was going to voluntary commit myself over the weekend but didn't know how that would look on a job application at the time so I talked to my therapist on monday about it...Among other things, he said I had to stop pretending I was ok... I  told him I didn't like that wording. ;-)   I'm not "pretending" anything. I don't do that. I thought I was doing a good job of doing what I had to do with all of this. Until now.  The meltdown last week was it.

I don't really like using what is going on as an excuse because everyone has shit going on in their own lives... jobs and children to take care of... bills to pay... things to do. Everyone has stress in their life and can usually mange to function on a day to day basis. He reminded me of all of my stressors - my mother's death which I yelled at him for because it was so long ago but he was trying to get to the point of being diagnosed at the same age and her being dead now...miscarriages and loss of fertility... losing my home and my husband... the stress of divorce and taking care of my dad and aunt - trying to place her in a home... not having a job or health insurance, even being away from Lily! Add the cancer diagnosis and new medicine and not feeling well on top of it. I think there's a couple more but I can't think clearly right now.  The point is - one of those things, alone, would be and could be enough to send someone spinning.  It's pretty obvious I have an extraordinary amount of stress and grief on my plate.

Making do with everything is not proving to be beneficial...

So... I canceled Christmas.  Not the entire Holiday - just my part of it. I never thought I would be here for over 3 months and I'm behind on a lot of things... As I told the family, in order for me to not have a meltdown (well who the hell am I kidding - I probably will regardless) I think it's best if I bow out now.  The house is too small, I haven't cleaned, I don't have a menu or anything else together yet and it's too hard to be doing all of this back and forth. I had to go over the other day to move boxes in the garage back into the game room so The Dad could get his car in before it snows. My life is too disrupted to do this so my decision is made. It really makes me sad because Christmas was always my thing and, this probably sounds stupid, but it seems like another loss to me. I just don't know what else to do.

327/365

TICKED OFF
Coming off of meltdown week I thought it couldn't get any worse...  It did. I walk in to check on the pup and see this...

Is that a tick?

No - really - is it?

We face timed Carey and got the confirmation... Is mercury retrograde over because - seriously - what the hell???

So late night trip to see The Mann.

FYI - Don't google images "tick on dog."  I'm glad I did it when I got back because I probably would have still been on the floor.  Gross. If you do - you were warned.

If anyone needs me tomorrow I will be at Home Depot gathering supplies to build The Bud an astroturfed bubble with cloud painted ceiling to go potty in.

Sorry puppy.