HERE'S THE DEAL
I loved my husband and never wanted a divorce... we didn't have a perfect relationship... we didn't have a bad one. There's not much more to say. Shortly before he walked out on us, though, we discussed a lot of things - about moving forward... being better than ever. With Mum's death and the third miscarriage (just weeks after we discussed the future we wanted) - things changed for him. I assume. Ask him why he left. The text messages and emotional affair with Jen and the professed love for Sheri and everything else that came to the surface changed things for me.... During this whole time, though, there was one thing that never changed. There was one thing that I wanted. I wanted him to acknowledge what I was saying. Right, Pat?
He didn't. It was all about him... no concern or compassion for anyone else. So much for letting people be who they are... for empowering them and letting them be empowered... for not judging... Come on. Maybe I threatened him. I think strong women intimidate him. He always liked the ones he thought he could rescue and well, I've said it before - I ain't no damsel in distress. In fact, that's the one thing that Pat said was the problem. He resented me for knowing who I was. For speaking up for myself - speaking my truth.
I'm not going to put up with being told I "sat on my ass for a year" and didn't sign the separation agreement. He didn't pursue it either - this past year or the two years prior. That's one part of the equation that needs to be addressed. If he says it was because of my health situation that's bullshit. The last time we met I asked him why he rarely even asked how I was. That even an old classmate or a person you don't know well - let alone someone you've spent half your life with - you would ask how they are doing if you knew they were dealing with cancer the past year... he said because when he did I would tell him I wasn't feeling good. Well, yeah. Sometimes reality isn't filled with rainbows and unicorns! Maybe I'll lie so you'll feel better. Seriously?!
My husband has either ignored me or harassed me as of late - when HE was ready to do it. Often weeks - even months - would go by in between conversations... it was all what he wanted with no regard for anything I asked for. I don't have time to go into any more right now... I''m just saying - I'm not going to apologize to anyone about contacting a lawyer. I have and had every right to do so and, honestly, anyone that is reading this - can you honestly say YOU wouldn't have???
I need to get this off my plate. I just want everything to be right and I'm not capable of deciding what that should be. This isn't going to be easy. I know it's the right thing to do. I'm not going to pretend to know the law or what is fair and think we should leave that up to the professionals. I'm also done being ignored and done being bullied. I wish the only thing on my plate was waiting for the DMB tickets to go on sale or picking out a nice bottle of cabernet sauvignon or convincing myself it's right to not pay my obligations. I have real world problems and life to deal with... my family, my dog, my health...
Thanks for the advice, David, about being a "big girl." I'll take that into consideration. I think you're the one, though, that has some growing up to do.