Sunday, September 30, 2012


I never met a pumpkin I didn't like. I wanted to fill my car with every pumpkin at the pumpkin patch yesterday - not that I've ever done that before. ;-) I knew I didn't have any room for my usual bounty so I said I would only get one - the first one that spoke to me.  It was this guy.

It was really difficult to not buy a hundred little baby ones or just a couple green and yellow gourds... I resisted, though, and thought I was doing ok...

...until this guy spoke to me too!

I mean, come on... am I the only one that hears these things?

Saturday, September 29, 2012


Who doesn't love a good pumpkin patch?  Or a fabulous old truck?  I ♥♥♥ this truck!

Soon to be October already... how the hell did that happen?

The morns are meeker than they were, 
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper.
The rose is out of town...
~ Emily Dickinson

Friday, September 28, 2012


Glo just got ready for bed... she told me she watched a good program tonight... I asked her what it was and she said she didn't know but it had that big chunk of man in it.  She was referring to this guy.

Looks like Tom Selleck still has it!  I went up to Babe's last night and I heard the two of them laughing like school girls. Turns out they were talking about what transpired a few nights before... Babe is a movie fanatic. She's watches 2-3 netflix a day and all kinds of other movies on tv. She really likes Cuban Downing Jr (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and loves kickboxing movies and all the Saw movies.  She's right above Glo so sometimes I can hear them - the tv volume is usually really loud. ;-)  Anyway, she was saying that the other night she fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie and woke up to some girl on girl action. It was the first time she ever saw such a thing! She said she was mesmerized... and a few nights before that - 2 girls and a guy!

Thursday, September 27, 2012


Today was the first weekday (in 7 weeks and a day) that I didn't have to get up and go to an appointment!  I had every intention of sleeping in.  No such luck... At 8:27 am there was a knock at the door - I opened it and it was Babe holding a box.  She was like Hey, Girl - you wanna see my jacket? Her daughter bought her a really cute jacket in silver the other day and she wasn't sure if she was too old for it so she ordered it in black too...she wanted my opinion on the best color... while she was there I asked her if she could sit with Glo tonight while I went to dinner - I was meeting another lady that finished up her treatment last week and we were going out to celebrate.  Babe told me I should go early and go to the mall and go buy shoes or purses! She said I needed some time away from the Glo-worm and should go do something for myself!

I may have complained about having a lot to do and been overwhelmed with all that's going on but I never really felt put out by it... maybe it's the spoiled brat only child in me but I'm usually pretty good at putting myself first. I told her that was ok and I would bring Glo up later but she insisted that I should leave as soon as possible - like pretty much tried to push me out the door in my pajamas. ;-)  My arm hurts pretty bad and I didn't really have the energy to go shopping so I thought about what I could do for a few hours that would make me happy...

It didn't take me very long to figure it out. I went to The Dad's and took a nap with the Lily Bud!!!

Do I know how to party or what?

I was covered in dog hair in about 15 seconds and made one little puppy snug as a pug in a rug.

Thanks, Babe.  Love The Bud.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


In 7 weeks - I never had trouble getting a parking space... until today!  I was running late and had to park in the overflow lot...
A couple months ago, right before I started, I actually switched doctors and hospitals so I could be closer to The Dad's - I never thought I would be driving the Turnpike the majority of the time... So much for planning ahead.
I did plan ahead with this, though.  One day - the first week, I think - I saw this Jim Shore star in the hospital gift shop and bought it as a gift to myself for today - the last day of radiation... It was 50% off so I knew I had to grab it when I saw it. I'm a sucker for a good star.
I'll miss this tile in the bathroom and the soap smell that made me think of Disney World for some reason.
And these steps that got harder and harder to go up as the weeks went on...
We used to play a game when I would get positioned on the table every day... you could smell whatever they were cooking for lunch... The tech girls and I would guess what was going to be on the menu.
One last time hearing "what's your birthday?" and going in to the BEAM ON room...
The girls at the front desk said they just started printing these - I was the first one they gave it too... they were joking saying that the breast people have to come as many days as they do - it's like going to work. They wanted to acknowledge it in some way so it turns out I ended up getting a star today anyway. ;-)  I stopped for a wild cherry mocha to celebrate.  What is it about hospital coffee shops that make me happy??? 
I got my discharge papers and instructions for the coming weeks... side effects are cumulative so I still have to put the lotion on three times a day for the next three weeks.  I'm kind of getting sick of my own boobs! ;-)  I was happy to take all my stickers off, though - so yay!  No more sharpie!
Thanks velcro shirt for coming along on the ride. ;-)
Not sure if I was supposed to keep you but I did!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


I thought about Dumbo and this today... every day at my appointment when I go in to get changed I throw my bag down and put my velcro shirt on.  I got yelled at today for using my arm too much (I've been having a hard time raising it the past week or so) we were laughing and saying my purse is about 15 lbs. and that's half the problem. It's a Vera tote - the old pink elephants pattern... I have all the big totes and travel bags in it - which just so happens to be one of the breast cancer patterns. I didn't start buying every piece of it (years ago) because of that - my mother loved and collected elephants and I liked that it was black and pink.  It was as simple as that.

I know this whole baby thing has been heavy on my mind and heart but it seems like everything is a constant reminder...

Like this.

Am I the only one that thought of a mama and baby when I saw that?

I bet I am.

Yeah.  I know that's weird. ;-)

Anyway, after my treatment today I grabbed my bag and went in to meet with the doctor as I do every Tuesday. He told me to make the "chemo appointment" to start my drugs... now I have one month to make a decision on what I need to do fertility wise.

Already?  I was like can't I just have a minute to catch my breath?!?

A part of me feels a little cheated and feels like I haven't been entirely present in this whole treatment process. I wish I could have just had cancer and not had all these other things waiting in the wings. Maybe one day I'll be thankful for being distracted through this whole thing. I doubt it, though.

I feel like there have been little signs here and there that have been popping up - I'm hoping they will guide me in the right direction.  I've been writing them all down - trying to make sense of them. My Mother and Mum have been waking me up at night. Three times in the last couple weeks. I'm not sure what they are trying to say yet. I'm listening, though.

I guess I'll add another "favorite post" here... A MOM WANNABE

Monday, September 24, 2012


I walked into Betty's house the other day to get Glo and saw this... Squiggy. Dead.

Well, that's what I thought. Betty just said that's his normal pose - which she calls the wanna fuck pose. Oh YES. she. did.

He's a fat cat... she said he's 22 pounds but I'm not so sure about that.
Not bad looking when he's actually upright... which - surprise - was when she gave me his treat container to shake!

Sunday, September 23, 2012


I've  used that post title in one way or another a few times here. I've always wanted it to be my motto.   I can't say I succeeded with it in all aspects but - you know. Something to aspire to, at least.  I was going to say I hate the fall (RENT reference) yesterday but I didn't - I really don't... that much. ;-) This weather makes me want to go to Rolliers and see the new decorations and clean up the yard and go buy 200 pumpkins...  Then I realize where I am.

My old neighborhood did have character... Lily and I drove around the other day when we went to The Manns. How many times we (and RB) walked those streets and said hello to all our flower and tree friends!  We said hello to our favorite house and that little tree behind the lamppost that is big now and that lovely mess 3 or 4 streets over...
Our second favorite "welcome" and all those fab trees on morrison and the reason why I have begonias and dusty miller everywhere...
My favorite things to plant in are old shoes...
... and old Tonka trucks.
Anything that is a little unexpected... like an old sink or baby carriage.
I love rusty tin things...

...the rustier the better!

I like interesting pots and pot headed people...

These are all from Dixon House... it looks a little different now. ;-(

I admit, I can't seem to get in the swing of things at The Dad's... It's not quite the disaster of DH but it isn't what it could be. I think I watered the flowers a few times and most of them died... There's a bunch of stuff in the back somewhere but it all kind of got a little lost.

Aunt Joyce and I threw some mulch around today... literally. ;-)

It looks a little better.

I have to be honest, though, it just doesn't feel like home.

Happy Fall.

Friday, September 21, 2012


The Dad schooling The Bud on the proper tilt of party hats...

Thursday, September 20, 2012



Little Miss Lily Bud is 4 today!

Lily doesn't really have a thing she likes to RoseBud and her meatballs! She told me to make whatever I wanted so I made pork chops and applesauce - of course.  ;-)  I felt guilty for taking over her birthday dinner so I made her a hot dog which she tried to eat in one giant gulp!  Oops.

She also didn't have a preference on her cake... so she got an Almond Torte. I know... shocker.

I remembered she had some pet cake mix left so we whipped up a batch...

I also made a beef ball for us - in the shape of a paw print.

It's very hard to buy presents for the dog who has everything so she only got a few... there's one more coming but it's a surprise.  
Glo has been going through all her bears and pulled this out for her.  It was the toy she bought for RoseBud on our first OBX trip.  She said she wanted Lily to have it. She played with it all night.
Sorry there is so much chaos in your life, little pup... hope you had a fun day!

Love The Bud.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


TOT- TEN ON TUESDAY - randomness... a day later

1. I was too tired to finish my TOT last night and wanted to snuggle with the puppy dog... I didn't want her starting her pills without me so I loaded the Glo-worm in the car and a few bags and off we went. It's hard being away from your sick baby!  I took a picture of Lily on the vet's table ... it bothered me. I'm not even going to post it. That last picture of RoseBud alive at the vet's after the hike still gets to me and it reminded me of that. I can look at these (after she was gone) but the ones alive.. not so much.

2. These boosts are kicking my ass... or boob, I should say.  I am way more tired than ever. Met with the doctor yesterday and he said I may have to stop for awhile because my skin is breaking down. I talked to the tech to see if they've seen anything worse and she said yes so I said to continue... I only have 5 more. Keep your fingers crossed I can finish all of this as scheduled.

3. Very sad we couldn't make it to Columbus this weekend for the Country Living Festival and for these pretzels from Schmidt's. ;-(  There was no way I could have just taken off and left everything go here. Would have been nice - just couldn't happen.

4. I was upstairs with Babe the other day... she was telling me about her younger life. She told me she had a secret - which was her being older than she actually was.  She told me her real age and then made me promise I wouldn't tell Glo or Betty. ;-)  I promised. She said she wished that when she was younger she could have gotten dressed in nice suits and had perfectly fixed hair - and an attache case! I asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to be in the FBI - she wanted to be an investigator... It was the cutest conversation.  I believe this quote to be true for the most part but not entirely... as Babe pointed out - sometimes it IS too late. 
5. Everyone has a folder of menus in their car, right?

6. I love when "Suri" says this.
7. Have you seen those Go Veg commercials? If you have you will know what I'm talking about... There's a lot to consider on that issue and I'm all for doing whatever you are comfortable with... meat, no meat, whatever. I do think those commercials are too graphic... next we'll start boycotting unicorn meat and everyone will be low on their sparkle intake.
8.  I wondered who The Lily Bud would sleep with last night.  She chose me.  ;-)  That's my girl.

9.  There are officially less than 100 days until Christmas! We were in Kohl's over the weekend and I looked it up on my phone and wrote it on this cute little snowman.  There are 96 days now!  Christmas Clock here.
10.  Much like the elephant... looks like the Lily Bud never forgets. We were headed to the Vets and she woke up for a second from her car slumber as we turned on Dixon.  Click here for video.  My thoughts exactly, Bud.  In continuing with my "favorite posts" - probably a good addition here...  DEAR, DIXON HOUSE.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012



Sometimes she still looks like a little puppy. ;-)

Monday, September 17, 2012


I feel like I'm in crazy land... crazy. head spinning. wandering all over the place. crazy land.

I was able to take a nap yesterday which was quite exciting!  I got in Glo's bed - the first time I was in a bed in 25 days!  That's hard to believe.  For three weeks+ of my treatment I was on the couch...  I think I'm doing quite well, considering what's going on, even though just last night I started to peel really bad and am in a pretty good amount of pain... it's just not how I envisioned this going down.  I'm not complaining about being here - I'm glad I can be - it's just not easy by any stretch of the imagination.  

Things are getting worse with the Glo worm. She is even more forgetful.  Just a little bit ago she went to wash the dishes with Lysol floor cleaner... I tried to explain it was the wrong product... she said it was blue so it didn't matter.  She told me she only had an $80 dollar bill in her purse - it was a $20 bill.  Her eyes aren't that great so I guess that's a legitimate mistake - more so if there actually was an $80 bill!  All she does is fuss with her purse or newspapers or wander from room to room. Last night I heard noise in her bedroom - drawers opening and closing... I went in and she was fully dressed -sweater and shoes on... I asked her what she was doing - she said she thought I told her we were leaving early for Betty's this morning.  I said we were but it's 11:15 pm.  She has no idea what time it is - day or night... 9 times out of 10 she thinks she is at my house... when she does the dishes she has no idea where they go... she keeps saying things like "when I was still at my house..." I keep telling her she is at her house but she doesn't seem to get it. 

This is all so very exhausting.

To make matters worse... little miss puglet had to go visit the doctor today! ;-(  Meds for the puppy dog now.  I don't like being away from her when she's taking anything so that's freaking me out. 

I  really wish I could teach her how to skype so I could check in on her.

I miss the Lil Bud.

Sunday, September 16, 2012


I know someone that is!  I went upstairs to help Babe with her vacuum cleaner and came down (45 minutes later, mind you) and Glo had gotten her place ready for the game... She moved the dining room chair in front of the tv... Polamalu doll in position, blanket folded on the bed...

Towel on the tv stand... jersey on.

I'm definitely not a jersey wearing girl. Call me crazy but it weirds me out when I see people in them...  The over 80 crowd gets a free pass on it, though. And babies.  And dogs. :-)   I prefer accessories and really fun appetizers and dips!  Here's a cute one for your next game - pinned by Janel.  Click here for recipe. Adorbs.

Also, quite adorable... baby Lily PUGamalu. ;-)

Seriously, Lily Bud, you were one cute puppy dog!

Go Steelers.