Wednesday, August 24, 2011


I always think of Cindy Brady when I see this magazine...
That damn Buddy Hinton!

Anyway, I had an appointment with my gynecologist today. As I was waiting (and waiting...) for my turn to be brought back... I was thinking about how long ago I first subscribed to these magazines. Let's just say - it's been a long time.

As I was sitting in the same chair - looking at the same surroundings and the same table with all those sample magazines on it... I was thinking about a particular day when I was there last year. I remember it as clear as today. It was a couple weeks after a trip to the ER where we spent many hours to later find out everything was ok and a little over a week after the ultrasound that showed no heartbeat and just a little under a week before the actual miscarriage. A span of three weeks when a lot happened. I sat not knowing what was going on or what I should do - wait it out or go in the hospital to finish things quickly.

{I don't like to edit... and I'm finding myself doing it now. I just deleted a couple paragraphs. I'm not sure why I did that and now I'm kind of pissed.} I'll have to get back to this thought - on an assumed insecurity on my part that is absolutely not correct. What's funny is, in a way, the last couple nights are repeating themselves from the time surrounding the day I talked about above. So very weird.

Anyway, I can't really say I was looking forward to my appointment. Not that I mind going... I just knew what was coming. "You can't wait Jeannine..." - we talked about tests and bloodwork and options and costs and how difficult is will be for me to adopt now (another funny thing as I have this Mother and Child movie on Starz playing in the background.)

It's just a lot to think about...with an already confused mind.

So as I sit here eating Jane Seibel's banana nut bread (which is kind of funny as well) I still don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. It's delicious though... so I guess I'll leave it at that for tonight.

I think it's time to go put myself to bed.

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