We were talking the other day about being alone... that once my dad is gone and everyone - who is left? No kids to pass things down to... it's just me. Who is really going to want my things? Maybe we were just trying to rationalize why it would just be better to sell all my old toys on ebay but it kind of is the truth. Everything, in essence, will be meaningless. My toys won't be played with by little hands that look like mine... No one is going to care about the photos all kept in boxes or even know any of the stories behind them... I know people don't have kids all the time - look at Glo - but it's hard, after all this time, to just be like ok - whatev - just forget about it now.
There are two camps on the baby thing with me - the it's never too late and the it's time to call it a day... The first is self explanatory. The second is a little more harsh - though completely truthful. "
It didn't happen and it's too bad but by the time you get on your feet you'll be way to old to even consider anything. And why would you want to have a baby just to put him or her in daycare?"
All I know is I have to decide which team I'm on and add that to my list of things to figure out... finding a job, my own home... being a caregiver for a puppy and other family members... my life in storage - bubble wrapped in bins and boxes.
It's just a lot to process. It would have been easier to do an IUI or to try again with a husband...
An adoption is going to take time and will be way more difficult on my own.
They are right, by the time I can figure all this out it may be too late - if it isn't already.
My doctor has been hounding me to take hold of my fertility dilemma and decide on what I need to do because I need to act fast - real fast were her exact words. So the big question that weighs heavy on my mind now is, if I want the family I thought I would have, how do I make that happen?