Monday, July 11, 2011

202/365

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING
I'm starting to have reasons to hate all times of year anymore but the summer time is taking top spot right now. The time where everyone is getting ready to go on vacation and family beach pictures are turning up everywhere... The stores are filled with little kid bathing suits and cute sundresses and hats - cute little beach accessories and bags on one side and back to school stuff on the other. I love back to school stuff but, seriously, I saw backpacks and lunch boxes two weeks ago!

Anyway, back to the beach... I have a collection of favorite shots I always wanted to take with my own kids - collecting shells... toes in the sand... beach bucket, etc... you know - the usual. I have all the perfect shots logged to remember and document each year...
Instead - each year becomes what could have been. I think every time I see a photo of a little girl on the beach with her butt hanging out of her bathing suit a little part of my heart disappears - just shrivels up never to return.

I have so many ideas in my head, online, slips of paper - ideas all waiting to be used one day... I have every possible way to remember the years...
...every handprint and footprint craft...
...and instead of getting out the paint and paper - they become further and further out of reach.

I know there's more to this than all the "stuff" - all the fun little cute things. Like little kid car washes...
...and indoor drive ins.
And fabulous parties...
My kid parties would have been better than anyone's parties - I know that's a little conceited but - just saying... it's true. ;-)

I remember when the pottery barn kid catalog first came out... I copied some things out of the catalog... a rocket and a tree and a fence - and painted them in the basement. I'm losing all that too. I know I can paint them again and different ones - like this...
...but I love and miss my tree!

I wish we would have had a boy and a girl - a boy first and then a girl because I think it would have been nice to have seen that interaction between siblings. I wish I could have made halloween outfits like this because, come on, seriously - how damn cute is this?!? A smore family!
And, while we're at it, how cute is this onesie?!?
I know the chances of ever taking this photo of my own child sleeping on a "pug pillow" are very, very low...
... and even this, now, is probably out of the question.
I'm not sure if I'm being distracted by everything that is going on now so that this doesn't become the end of me. How do I convince myself that all I ever wanted is out of the question now... and what happens when I do?

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