Thursday, October 27, 2011



If this isn't my (imaginary) baby's first picture - I don't know what is!!!

If you know me well - you know I love old trucks and tonkas... This, to me, is the Cutest. Picture. Ever. ;-)

Anyway, this whole baby thing... I go between giving up and thinking I'm only 41 - I have another year... (I've probably been saying that since I was 35!) I've been back and forth to my doctor the last couple weeks... we're not entirely sure what is going on yet - have some appointments and meeting with a specialist in the next few weeks - but it seems like, after all this time, we may have figured out what was causing the miscarriages - at least the last one. I'm a little sick over the fact that it might have been an easy fix.

My doctor said I "wasted a year" - she's a little blunt. She's right, though... with all that has been going on I kind of put this all aside... she said I may have lost my window of opportunity. Story of my life. I'm very good at waiting and procrastinating - until tomorrow, then the next day, then the next... She said I have to check all this out so I have no choice but to get moving and then something struck me... non baby related. I have to say the words that haunt me the most are these. Close second are the words - I can't take care of you anymore - which hits me hard on all fronts. Maybe since I'm the one taking care of everyone else and the one that many (including myself) feel like I have it all together. I am truly more independent and self sufficient than a lot of people I know... yet I'm being made out as something else. That hurts me. Then, on top of that, I thought what if after all of this... there's no one to take care of ME - when I actually need it. It's kind of crazy what life throws at you when you least expect it. No choice, I guess, but to keep on truckin...

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