Monday, August 6, 2012



I was laying on the table today for the simulation and couldn't help asking myself how I got there? I wasn't really feeling well and, on top of that, I felt lost... all the events of the past were all jumbled up in my head...most recent being the surgery (just a little over two months ago) plus all the rest of what's been going on. I'm struggling with this baby issue and don't know what to do and need to make a decision. It's proving to be harder than I thought.

It's funny - my GPS and printed directions were different on our way to Deep Creek last week... so I just kind of disregarded both and figured it out... In a way, I like getting lost... I knew it wouldn't be that hard - there are many ways to get there... With every turn, though, and every road sign and every giant windmill I encountered, my heart broke open a little more. David and I would go on a lot of trips... I always felt safe because I knew he would find the way...we would find the way.  Eventually, I did make it to the house. I couldn't tell you how I got there but we did.  It wasn't much better on the way home yesterday, honestly, at one point I thought about driving right over a cliff... if Lily wasn't in the back I think I would have.

I'm not looking forward to starting all this tomorrow but I will...there is always some excitement in the start of something - no matter how good or bad. Then I look down and see all the marks they made today and I'm lost... again.

No comments: