Early start to today... Glo spent the day at Betty's - Betty's son calls her every Wednesday so she wanted to be home to get his call. I dropped Glo off at her house for a play date.
I ran to The Dad's to take care of The Bud - which has made me late every day this week. I had my radiation which was the longest appointment ever - they were getting too much lung so they had to re-xray everything-it was a big old mess... I met Paula and Chrissy for a marathon lunch and just made it back at 2:30 to pick up Glo and get her back to her apartment... the home health aide pulled up right next to me. This is starting to become a thing. I can't keep up with all these appointments. My boy Barry, the nurse, came after that and stayed for three hours. He likes to talk. Though some of that talk was about me...
Last week the strangest thing happened. I hadn't been sleeping - not like this past week - but from Glo's ER day on things were weird. Once I made the decision that I couldn't just place her somewhere quickly and decided I would stay with her until I found somewhere decent, I was finally able to breath a little better. I remember getting into bed that night - knowing I was just going to take her home from the hospital the next day... I actually was kind of relieved. It was around 12:45 am or so which was the earliest I was in bed in a long time...
Next thing I remember - I looked at the clock and it was 1 AM and I was petrified in fear. I was trying to scream out for The Dad but I couldn't do anything...couldn't make a sound, move, nothing... I had these visions flashing in front of me - a remember a clown, a scull with worms coming out of it, snakes, things flying around... It didn't make any sense - it was like things you would see in a horror movie. I wasn't sure if I was awake or asleep but I knew it wasn't really a dream. I was in a total panic. It was the worst feeling ever. It was like I was wide awake but motionless. The visions didn't get to me - not being able to communicate or move did.
I called chrissy in the morning and told her because I wanted someone to know about it in case I dropped dead. I thought I was either going crazy or it was brain cancer (of course) or I had some sort of stroke - especially since I knew my BP has been really high. I couldn't figure out what to search for on the computer so I had no idea what was going on but it's been bugging me... I asked Barry and he was all over it... He said it was hypnagogic sleep paralysis. He went on for about 45 minutes about it... his background is in neuropsychology and turns out he was very well informed on sleep. He asked me some questions - he's big on his assessments - that would have pointed to a more serious condition... he just thinks it was related to my lack of sleep and extraordinary about of stress. He said my gold wonder woman cuffs fell off. ;-)
I found a lot of information on it now that I know what it is and I keep getting chills every time I read something. It definitely wasn't a good feeling but I'm finding it all pretty fascinating.
Click here for an article about it if you are interested in learning more...
Sleep well.
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